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To emadaps:
I think it's easier said than done. Michael just needs more time to adjust and move on. He rushed things a bit too fast, if you ask me.

To valentinebaby:
Yeah, this New Year's start is really fucked up. It's the least you can say.

We both deserve to be happy, and you make me happy, and I make you happy.

Really wise words your friend said. I hope Michael will hear them too.

To xmag:
When something is too beautiful too soon, you can be certain something goes wrong. And Michael's complicated nature won't make it a bit easier.

To Luluzita:
Maria will have a tough time. 'Cause fighting Michael's stone wall is not easy.

To Marsis:
It's completely true what you wrote. It was good that Michael was - at last - honest. His message was blunt but honest. All the way. His self worth is screwed and he will need time to adjust. And in his view he can't and will not let Maria suffer. Like he does himself. But he fails... She does suffer. But for other reasons than he thought.


Author's note: You can see (and hear) the Belgian singer Tom Helsen singing on youtube, when you click in this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGZQjezzdSk


Chapter ten






What do you do if you, metaphorically, just got slapped in the face by the man you love? If the love of your life kicked you out the door because he felt inferior? Difficult questions - Certainly if there's still love in the game, on both sides.

After the disaster on New Year, Maria kept herself in the background. Out of self preservation she created a distance between Michael and herself. She found it better not to see him for a while instead of being constantly reminded to the feeling of powerlessness that surrounded her every time she saw him.

In her vision there were two people needed to start a relationship. And if one of them didn't want to cooperate, the other one just stood with her back to the wall. Even if that person didn't want to. And that's how she felt. Completely stuck. Jammed.

Unfortunately Maria's avoidance provoked a reaction in Michael. In his eyes he had sacrified their love to do the right thing. To protect her, to set her free so she could live happily ever after. Something he thought she could never be if she stayed with him. 'Cause he wasn't happy either.

In his naïve thinking he had thought he had done them both a favor. Not caring how hard the decision had been for him. And how awful and lonely he felt afterwards.

Therefore Maria's silence was a punch in his face. A punch he could hardly take. First it made him disappointed, then angry and finally furious. In the end he projected every bad thought and frustration on Maria. It was his way of dealing with it. Of getting his feelings back in control. And it was also the easiest way to ignore Maria with an unseen stubbornness.

In the past Michael had always been very pig-headed. If something got stuck in his head, it wasn't easy to persuade him differently. And in this case he became the height of stubbornness.

The next two months became a string of icy silences and awkward moments. And in the small group of friends it affected everyone. Every meeting leaded to problems and discomfort.

Michael ignored Maria completely, he was blunt and rude. He didn't care. Or he didn't seem to care. Even weeks later, when she greeted in a friendly manner, he didn't react. He just acted as if she wasn't there.

She tried to phone him, talk to him but whatever she did, it got her nowhere near him.

All their friends stayed on the sideline, watching, teeth clenched and helpless. Nobody volunteered to interfere. Nobody dared to risk themselves in the cross fire.

Michael's face spoke for itself and frightened everybody. "Mind your own fucking business" was written in big letters all over his grumpy face.

Eventually it was Isabel who took the first step. She just couldn't watch it anymore.

"Guys, we have to do something."

Max, Kyle, Alex and Isabel were sitting in a booth in the Crashdown when Isabel spoke the words out loud. One look on her face and they could all see she was very serious.

Max chuckled inside although his heart tightened at the same time. He loved his sister but when something got stuck in her head, she could pull off a 'Michael' anytime. A pit-bull couldn't beat her.

Because he knew he couldn't flee her, he responded lazily. "And what do we have to do something about?"

Isabel could have shaken her calm brother in frustration. Luckily she could keep it in.

So patiently she explained. "Well, about the situation between Michael and Maria."

Kyle raised his eyebrow. "And what does her highness wants us to do?"

Isabel didn't pay attention to Kyle's teasing. "Well, I was thinking; if Liz or I could talk to Maria, then you three can chat with Michael. While watching a hockey game or whatever."

"How, how… could you repeat that again?" Alex's voice revealed that they had understood her properly but that they didn't like what they were being told to do.

Isabel repeated "Well see, if I go to Maria -"

"No, no, the other part. The thing about Michael."

"Well, invite him. Go out. And when you're drinking a beer, start talking about Maria and his attitude towards her."

"No way," came the answer simultaneously from the three guys.

Isabel could see she would end up nowhere if she didn't change her approach. So she tried to convince them one by one.

First she turned to Alex. She put on a loving face and kept looking at him. Forcing him to give in.

"Isabel, no way! You know I love you and I would do everything to please you but you can forget this one. Talking to Michael about his love life is like a suicide-thing. And if it's ok with you, I'd like to live a couple years more."

Next she tried Max. She knew too well her puppy-dog face look was irresistible to him. In the past he had never been able to refuse her anything when she looked at him like that.

"No, no, don't look at me for this one. I can tell you right now what's going to happen. Michael will notice it the minute I say the word 'feelings' or 'Maria'. I'll just end up giving him a lecture and he will storm off, smashing the doors in the process. And he will shut himself off, even more than he is right now."

"Besides, Isabel, guys don't talk about their feelings." Kyle added.

He then scratched his head and corrected himself. "Well, maybe Bill and Ted over here," he jerked his thumb at Max and Alex. "No offence, guys, but you're both wusses."

He continued on before the guys could protest. "Guys aren't like chicks. Do you know what real guys talk about?" He didn't give her a chance to answer. "Well, I'll tell you: sports, booze and women. That cliché, that plain and simple."

Max took pity when he noticed Isabel's disappointed and stunned face. "Come on, Izzy, you know what? We'll take care of Michael. We'll see he has a good time and that he hasn't got time to pity himself. We'll take him out, keep him busy. We'll take him to the party that's on next Saturday. Things like that."

Kyle nodded. "In mean time you can do your chit-chat with Maria and everything will turn out just fine."

And for once, Isabel couldn't do more than nod, completely staggered by the male logic of the three friends.


****


"I tried everything, Liz, he's just so stubborn, he doesn't react to anything. I'm pretty sure if I walked by naked, he wouldn't even notice." Maria changed her cellphone from one ear to the other and tucked a stray curl back behind her left ear.

"And by the way, this time it's his -" She jumped, startled by an unexpected sound at the front door.

"Hey, Lizzie, hold on a sec. There's somebody ringing at my door."

With her phone clutched between her shoulder and head, she opened the front door. On her porch she found Isabel Evans.

"Isabel? Is there something wrong with Michael?" Maria asked frightened, looking at the girl's severe face.

"Something wrong with Michael? Well, you could say so. And with you too if you ask me. Can we talk?"

Perplexed Maria gestured for her to come in. At the same time she ended her conversation with Liz.

"Hey chica, can I call you back? Ok. See you later. Bye, Liz."

Isabel got directly to the point, the minute she walked in the DeLuca's living room. "Maria, I don't have to know what went wrong between Michael and you. And honestly, I don't want to know. But the question is: what you gonna do about it?"

"Do about it?" Maria's voice sounded frustrated while she automatically repeated Isabel's last words. "What am I gonna do about it?"

"Tell me, Isabel, how would you plan something like that? I know Michael is like a brother to you, but Michael can be a real…"

Carefully Maria searched for the right words. She didn't want to offend Isabel, but she wanted to say what troubled her.

"Pain in the ass. I know."

Maria giggled at Isabel spontaneous answer. "It's not exactly the word I was looking for but you got it close."

She turned serious again and continued. "Look, Isabel, I'll tell you what went wrong. It's no secret. I'm surprised Michael didn't tell you. But then again, it's Michael we're talking about."

Thinking back on Kyle's words Isabel leaned her head a bit on the right and tried to lighten up the moment with a sarcastic comment. "Boys, huh? They always suck in expressing what they feel unless it's about sex, beer and basketball. I've been told by an expert."

A smile appeared on Maria's face, but just for a second. "That's even an understatement. But at any rate, Michael made an exception on New Years. He was obviously well aware about what was going on in his fucked up mind and for once he hadn't any trouble expressing it out loud. And it wasn't about the subjects you named either. It was about himself. About us."

Maria exhaled deeply before she carried on. "Isabel, Michael has it stuck in his head that he isn't worthy of having me, of loving me. All because of that stupid chair. So, we can't date. The fact we love each other, is totally beside the point and doesn't matter at all."

Maria noticed Isabel's astonished look on her face. "You don't have to look at me that strange. It's not my opinion. These are Michael's words. And then you come waltzing in and ask me what I'm going to do about it…"

"Sorry…" Embarrassed, Isabel closed her eyes for a second.

But Maria went on, like she hadn't heard Isabel. "I really don't know what to do anymore. In the beginning I was too fucked up and pissed off to see him. Maybe it was the wrong thing to do, but I'm only human, you know. I was so angry with him. I felt so hopeless. Literally with my back against the wall. I knew I had to back off, just for a little while. And when everything calmed down, I tried talking to him. But it was too late. For him anyway. He ignores me like the plague since then."

Isabel nodded to confirm what she heard. "I noticed that. And I'm not the only one."

"Well, yeah, you know Michael. He only thinks in black and white. He doesn't know the color grey. Or, rather, he doesn't want to know it. You're either with him or against him. And I know what I'm talking about. When he was seventeen, back in school, I refused to congratulate him when he asked me to. He never forgave me and didn't speak to me for several months.

"If I recollect it right, wasn't it a love thing?"

Maria nodded in affirmative.

"But how did you get blown away?"

"Michael had a lot of problems at that time with Hank. He got beaten up a few times and each time he ended up at my place. It really wasn't easy. Not to say very rough. At the same moment rich, spoiled Angela got it in that stupid head of hers, that she needed a boyfriend. One from the wrong side of the track. She picked Michael. I knew she was just using him. She didn't want Michael for who he was. She just wanted him as a trophy, an object. Something you can parade with. Of course, Michael didn't believe me. Said I was just jealous. Which I actually was, but that was beside the point. And 'cause I didn't want to give in, he said I was against him. That I didn't want him to be happy. And he just cut me out of his life."

"Can I ask how you fixed it?"

Despite everything Maria's mouth flickered in a ghost of a smile. "Yeah, sure, you can ask. But I have to disappoint you. I don't know the answer. You could say that the fact that Michael eventually realized I had been right all along, did it. But it still took me a lot of time, energy and effort to get things back to normal. And what did eventually turn the scale? With the best will in the world I can't answer that. You'd have to ask Michael that one. If he knows it himself, that is."

Maria rubbed her face. "But now it's even more complicated. In those days we were just friends, now we are lovers. Well, were."

"Maybe it can make it easier too." Isabel suggested.

"Who knows, who knows…"

Emotional and touched she covered her eyes with her hands.

"But this time he can make the first move. I can tell you that, Isabel. I can't keep talking to a stone wall. I always say I'm Teflon but it actually hurts like hell to see him ignoring me. I wish I could smack his big, stupid, -

"You still love him a lot, don't you?" Isabel asked quietly.

Maria nodded, unable to say a thing. A couple of tears started rolling over her cheeks. And although Isabel wasn't her closest friend, she pulled Maria close.